My head has become consumed with college. Yes I have send in all my applications and transcripts and scores and recommendations, but now I must wait until the first week of April. How awful? So now I am in the position of just trying to maintain great grades and volunteering. I wake up everyday wondering what is my motivation to go to school. What am I working for, what am I wanting to become, what is the goal? In some way I know that I could never change my personality. Which is the personality of a beyond driven, always wanting more, and frantic person. I could never fully give up and quit trying but the temptation is overwhelming. I can't remember the last time I did not want to stop and focus on me. If not everyday, most days I think will I or will I not get into the college of my choice. I get reassurance from others, but sometimes that is not enough. The idea that with time the truth will be revealed could not be more true. Soon, hopefully, I will know my fate. Truly though, my mind wont be at rest until April. So until then I will mentally die slowly. I just have to wake up everyday knowing that I will figure it out.
Photos are from Gant Fall/Winter 2010 and flickr
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